Questions for Men about Man-Making

Question 6. Your Boyhood Adventures

In this question, tell me a story about one of the ways that, as an adolescent boy, you explored your hunger for adventure, challenge, and testing your male powers. Did you build something, climb something, or push legal or parental limits in some way? Did it happen in sports or with other boys in a pack? Was it competitive about being more powerful or competent than other boys? Did you prey on or play tricks on someone? Did it get you in trouble? How does the story make you feel now?

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Phil - 59: Firecrackers, zip guns, blowing up frogs, fox holes playing Army with a bon fire, shooting metal tipped arrows into the front of my wooden chest of drawers, sticking both ends of the same wire into an electrical outlet, disassembling a machine gun bullet that blew up in my face. I think I sound angry.

GARY - 51: I was always going for it with sports. The better I performed, the more of a man I was. But I never really "arrived" because a loss in tennis or being cut from a basketball team meant a setback, proof that I was faking it and not really a man.

STEVE - 45: I suppose the first real decision I made that allowed me to explore new go for new and larger challenges was at age 15 when I walked down to Gelson's Market (our local grocery store), applied for a job as a boxboy and, much to my surprise, got hired on the spot!

Having a job opened up a million new avenues for me. First, it allowed me to contribute "rent" to my mom, who was struggling financially at the time. The ability to contribute meant that I was now an "earner", something up till then had been reserved for adults.

There was a sense of maturity that comes with having a job, especially your first one. A sense of pride, of respect. And there is great freedom too. I had my own money - I was no longer limited to only being able to just go to the places my mother could afford to send me. I began buying some of my own clothes and, for the first time, was making my own decisions.

I was also working with people older than me - the other boxboys, the checkers and clerks. Working with these "older guys" provided me with a sense of acceptance and belonging in the adult world. And without a male role model at home, it was very important to have the respect of the older male co-workers.

Looking back, it was a great time in my life and one that I wouldn't trade for anything. I remember those years fondly, I value the experience, and still feel a sense of pride when I think back to my early independence and how I was able to help my mom out during a difficult time.

All too frequently after school, we would mount an "attack" on his "position." Very quietly, we would sneak into his store, pilfer the candy from a rack and then ease out, avoiding detection if possible. When he saw us, he would fly into a yelling rage, and come ambling after us. The chase only made the adventure more exciting because we were way more swift. It mostly ended with us a half a block away and "Jake" yelling at us from the doorway of his store.

In looking back, I'm amazed at the cruelty involved in our actions. But there is no question that we were proving our skills against an adversary... however limited. Somehow we never did get called to account for our actions.

DAN - 54: There was a small, natural woods, about 5 acres, in our neighborhood. It was off the beaten path, but occasionally visited by a lot of the neighborhood kids. Myself and my six friends (one was a girl) considered it our turf only the word turf wasn't in use then. Over the years that we all hung together, we used a variety of weapons to harass the other kids and "defend" the place. I remember "pea shooters," rough sling shots, and even stones. It wasn't done with real violence, no one was ever really hurt, but it was terrorism.

In todays terms, I guess we were a gang. The kids that were younger than us definitely stayed away in fear. I also remember giving the girl a quarter once to take her pants down so I could see what she had? Ah youth...

JUSTIN - 28: I found most of my childhood adventure in the woods. My family had 20 acres of dense forest behind the house, with a network of trails. My brother and I explored every inch of those woods, finding mice nests, frog eggs, and wild berries.

Each spring I tested the limits of what I could get away with by driving our tractors -- we had two, a red Farmall and a little green John Deere. Because there was plenty of spring mud, I'd get them completely and hopelessly stuck. Dad was never happy about that, but he always came out to get them unstuck.

I was not involved in competitive sports as a youngster, nor did I play tricks on people. Looking back though, my love of the wilderness as a special place of solitude has stuck with me.

STEVEN - 49: I remember the moment when I gained a shocking and Monumental insight into adult power. I was a junior in a high school run by nuns and priests. It really bothered me a lot to see adults in power wield that power in less than fair or arbitrary ways. Given that this sort of 'rocked' my sense of fairness (a strong value for me) I couldn't let it pass. Yet I had no way to legitimately push back.

I was the president of my class then so the stakes were fairly high for the adults. I mean if this student leader rejected their power, then potentially none of the students would see their power as legitimate-- they were quite threatened and made quite a fuss.

I often ended up in detention or in the principal's office, which only made me angry and more resolved (stubborn). I guess I would call my actions 'passive resistance'. I would attempt to state what I saw as unfair, would be told to be quiet and so I was...quiet...yet unyielding, unwilling to say I was wrong, unwilling to apologize, unwilling to fold under the pressure. All this caused the adults to eventually give in, which made me a reluctant hero in the eyes of my peers.

A huge insight appeared: these adults who appeared to be more powerful, and wiser than others were actually no more powerful than those around them recognized. That was a very important insight. AND, their knowing that I knew created this sort of space where I was considered by the adults someone to be reckoned with. This whole chain of events caused me to consider how I used my power and how others gave me power or dismissed it. Thereafter, it became my responsibility to use my power in fair and respectful ways.

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